Worthless Sack of Flesh and Shit

^ That is me.

Dammit all. I am pretty drunk. And I have a lot of remorse under my belt. You see, focus is a foreign affair in this state, and in these days alive. I'm so angry angry angry at what could have been, should have been, had human kindness been a priority still in this world, and if I would put myself first and additionally, take some motherfucking initiative.

I am so fucking worthless. But that may never change. I remain a vessel of teleported wisdom, fever, hype, and such as inactive. Since youth, devoid of the basic calamity to triumph. Jesus fuck, I wish I had smoked instead of drank. This is pretty horrific, those thoughts that enter my mind. Instead of wondering why my prayers for a plane crash, first in Sept 07, then in Mar 08 didn't take place, I'm now wondering why that night, in New Orleans, when I wandered around the streets late at night, alone, while the love of my life was probably masturbating on the phone with her hunk of hell lover--- I thought, "why couldn't I have been mugged, killed/slaughtered?" Why did this misfortune have to continue? Why was I granted further access into life, when all it has proven to me since has been a trial of deceit, injustice, treachery, malclaim, abolishment of all human rights, more and more lies, lustlustlustandabottleofvoid


I am losingg my mind. It isn't always clear and truthfully apparent, because my love, though lack of respect, for others is so abundant even now. I go into work each day ready to feed off the boundless energy of circumstance, moments wonder and mischief, and all already fun... only to be spiralled into an apathetic warzone of slavery, abuse, and false appeal.

Damn son. This is not me. This is what happens when the world is on the way out, and nature and nurture are servants to the cluttered mess we feel inside our bellies.

I need to piss out the alcohol. Approx. 10 shots of rum is not recommended on a slightly empty stomach. Fuck.

I never learn.


I just keep adoring.