Selective Adornment

In these times, which many suffer past the first to last decade,
Granted we all have filled the hollow shoes
Do we not stand more reformed than a humble man's beating?
Don't you know that beliefs can change? A prelim to a default.
Same as feelings, direct the puncture in the emotion.
We were again in orbit, without my understanding as to why.
Depleted as the woven stints, much to my plea and fancy.
Formulative years relapse by without notice
The storming entities of shelves give glimpse to the collapse
A ferverant starving plague left kneeless on a broom dispatch
If the swollen parked the knolls at eve, would gibson even dare mark darkly?
A giving basin of swift, given furies, blatant worries and governor's fears
Wading off into distance I scuttle theories under my last, naught stitched plan
My breath faded of jury, and notched up, glimmered by tears
A jeopardy landscape of scapegoat vesticides, blemished pendulum at a corkscrew ring
Travel the other plots of land before settling on a twice foiled bog.
You know the knew deep scrumple can if the knocks walk forward, fall backward
Dweezil came under spell, and mummified curfew all but ran dry
another of your two chosen, schemed. I rifted, not to mention drifted, at the alarming rate of missile-fired seeds. A bell pepper calls backward, don't you mention already gifted paths
This is the time for effeminate glory, they all reckon back to when. An alumni fell ill to chlorine, and the guidance was all but unseen. Dipped in ink and packed to the pill. Scripted sink, the mockery they fill. abolish misfortune, at least for this night, when all past due was curfew, the evidence starkly frights. Had I a pill to sneak past, the woven stellar frames, I'd mark the caps that think last, and drive the swollen paved.
Could I now dispatch, a warrior under oath? A frozen man, soaked sweating, a brief but brittle cone? A marvelous rendition, of those trample toes. The menace we were seeking, are we klept to pose? I am saturated by the glow flats, does that make me round? I am blinking by the daylight, and avoiding sound. I'm displeased in every sentence, I move shit around. Those that occupy attendance, are the unalone. If the memories transcend this, then we're heart to heart. Moses came to eels in pleasure, and left voided lots. Mills derive the ill consesus, do we dare to weave? Mock the villiany in presence, kept our soul to speak.

"Like bits of city, floating off" -EA

So you didn't do a summer tour in support of Help Wanted because you've been rehearsing with your band, Jane's Addiction? That's fine. The box set is getting 6 month delay treatment because you're having a blast living in the moment? That's perfectly acceptable.

This is the greatest day in music since Zeppelin last December. Haha.

Live your legacy, motherfucker. Breathe it in.

Stance

I don't bother with my horoscope anymore. I already know what's coming in that regard.

If my mother has always been true, then your "faithless town" has condemned you.

Really, the more I think about it...

You are the most self-absorbed person I've ever known. And now you dare say, also completely shallow? Damn, I'm a fool. You're on the level of Sarah Palin, and it's a damn shame.
But hey, that's why I call you The Escapist.

To quote the wonderful Adam Duritz, "if you don't want to talk about it, then it isn't love."

All right, so I was charged for the incident of 2 weeks ago. Kind of took a massive shit on my day today. 2 weeks of gratitude, shattered. Lord knows, maybe I deserve it. Oh well, it's in motion now. Going to be a costly pile of dung.

Also, Kathy and David make my life whole, server and bartender at the OG, respectively. Kathy more or less sees my decaying spirit, and tells me that the wretched struggles are worthwhile, because it only brings me closer to great things in the end... even if it's at the end of me, I guess. David has lived it all-- insane, unadulterated times of brilliance and remorse. I am really inspired by them both, for different reasons. Anyone who survives the rough weather of humanity's foul winds and later offers nothing but optimism... good for you. It really makes the world brighter, and keeps me smiling.

Ah, what a headache. I just need to sttttttopppp everything, orient and collect myself and nurture my spirit for the next 4 or 5 months, all the while saving a good amount of cash. Because REALLY, at this point... I could not emphasize enough if I even knew how:..... who knows what waits tomorrow. There is no knowing.

"The power of thought and imagination is beyond what we can comprehend."
"I damn to hell every second you breathe."
- PJ Harvey

K, I got lots more to say:

I am slowly becoming comfortable with Maynard. His presence makes sense to me a bit now. And he sounds pretty nice sometimes.

Aight, my state of mind; ever in flux, usually sedated, heavily turbulent by Manifest Destiny and Enlightenment thinking?

No no, this is all wrong. *Whew*



Okay, apparently someone thinks they are the center of the universe, and I still mope along the turf, half dead to myself. Which is sometimes true. Though I now... am still torn, after four months. And it cannot continue, and I'm sure I am paved in stone, but dammit, this whole deal is so backwards. This summer should have been mind-erasing for me. And I don't mean that too hastily, I love and respect everyone who gives the same back, but I really needed to get the fucking edge off this summer, and it never happened, save for some out-of-mind nights with a few select, diverse friends, on multiple occasions, in many scattered combinations.

Oh, and.. "you are gonna have to find out for yourself."

part of the reason I left Arby's so suddenly, and without much thought of announcement. Just wanted to leave those years to the grave. I MUST find something, and I keep telling myself that Philadelphia will sprout stems. My best friend lives there, a few other GREAT people, plus Lizzy is about to venture that way, Meghan and Shelbs are nearby, and hell, Nakeeda may be attending Temple University... so all would be in place, I feel. Plus, many of these people really inspire me to accomplish things, sometimes in a non-creative way, which is probably beneficial. Though the more I deliberate and sit around with stars above and humbled breaths below, I realize that my heart will never securely be fastened while pursuing a traditional type of schooling. I simply cannot well acquaint myself and refamiliarize myself again and again with stagnant dictation and sighs lacking thereof.

this is so scrambled without junction or direction. I just know that there's something(someone) I'm needing, my slow drug(someone) who can help all these troubled breezes. Because in reality, I am very close with the hum and soft echo. I much look forward to cleaning the leaves in the coming weeks, fast approaching. Yet, I seek companionship all the while. During this time, I would like to share the joy of being domestic. And I know you understand. Dammit, we all have it, and it was so bountiful and refreshing last New Years. So strikingly delicious. Yet, it all vanished, as did any ambition.

So I must carve for myself a meek beginning. One that demands proper growth and nurture. Like the committment to hair upkeep, perhaps. Anything of reward.

And you know we find ourselves, again and again, within close proximity, non-estranged faces who bring to us good conversation, and we then realize we've driven this past. The times we spend in the cluttered mess, help us reach our hand further out of the muck. The endless days.. I miss them tremendously. None of this 36 hour nonsense. The real deal, 4 days of whatever we so desired. And perhaps that world is possible, and we'll find it next year, or in the future. It would be so empowering to know that you possess a very volatile ministry in your step. Better than the long gone days.


fijepoaifjeopawif

Going to sign on now.

elsewhere.




Open my ears and defend my eyes
I see the truth that the scars devise

WTF!

At the end of the day, you just gotta be happy with yourself and that's all that matters.


Dammit, but it's not that easy. I've been infatuated with this woman for 4 months, feelings aren't going anywhere, anytime soon. Oh Christ.

If I cement myself further, there is no way out. Though, I'm again entering relapse, where I must be with people at all times. Well, maybe not. Maybe I need to sober up and find myself.

2009

I would like to reiterate my priority of future concerts:

1. PJ Harvey
2. Rage Against the Machine
3. Portishead
4. Radiohead



nothing else realllllllly matters right now.

Thought Collection

This weekend holds promise. Including all the following:


CTL visiting Friday-Sunday...
[i must really take a bunch of photos. i neglect this all too often]

Friday - buy a case of brews, food, other accessories, dream catcher session, catch up on life and its hardships, hit up Arby's?
Saturday - hit up OG, walk in the woods with camera, possible Westminster trip, purchase Mario Kart Wii or Okami or more necessarily-- new work shoes, hang with Jess & Karen
Sunday - Chris departs, Religulous w/ at least Jeff, Alex, Than, work 5-Cl, spend time with Shelby-Renee

listen to the following:
Trumpery Metier, In Rainbows, Volta, Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fungus, One Day as a Lion, Niño Rojo, Acid Tongue, Uh Huh Her, Kind of Blue + extra sessions, various Zappa, Our Delicate Stranded Nightmare


I will update this with the actual events. They will differ greatly. Especially if Chris forgot to pack Kind of Blue, which I sense he has. Shit.


-----------------------------------------
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED


Friday - Chris arrives at 9:45, hit up OG at 10:20, Jess serves us, Jenny refuses to talk to me, Scottie and Karen are zoo animals, Than & Steve are a bit distant
Outrageous amount of smoking between Chris and I beginning at 12:20. Many realizations are found and treasured. Session of Uh Huh Her blows Chris to pieces. Acid Tongue is lovely. Minor Cuts and Scrapes is a nice finish.
"Bless his heart, he was being a bastard the whole time. He's that one name I'll always hate, on a level I didn't know was possible."

Saturday - Woke at noon, showers, meet Shelby & Aaron at Pizza Grille... half hour late due to bullshit, three mushroom pizza, Shelby is Shelby, no Kim, Jeff is disgruntled with Oklahoma, Chris and I shop all day at Best Buy, Capital City Mall, Barnes and Noble, etc., Chris eats Arby's, Adina's a bitch, I finish my mushroom pizza, pick up Jeff at 10:50 and head to Jess', madness until 3 am with Karen and her... take Jeff home, Chris and I pass out promptly upon arriving home.

Sunday - Woke at 1:30pm, Chris is disgruntled that he has a lot of shit to do, he showers and departs at 2:30, mom and I eat dinner, work 5-11, I become cupid, come home and drink and be at Tony's mercy until now... 3 in the morning. Chaos cauldron.

we listened to:
Acid Tongue, Uh Huh Her, Kind of Blue, One Day as a Lion, Niño Rojo, In Rainbows, Rage Against the Machine, Saul Williams, Minor Cuts and Scrapes in the Bushes Ahead, Miles From India

Tomorrow should be decent. Off work for two days, but the mother and I are doing mad house cleaning. BUT, lots of drinking with everyone. Should be a fun week. Even more so for Jeffreys.

Lay it down, turn it off, cut the transmission

Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thus begins the shitstorm

a hail raining debts, popping seeds
burying helms and carrying pleas
deafened by drills, and hollow in noise
opportunity struck, and now hammers a voice
withdrawing seems to cut slack
believing seems to give back
unknowing, we tremble and stutter-quack
if i bless you this gift, keep me by your maelstrom
strip me of all tangible, man-made ecstasy
and tamper with the courage that was still left in me
taken my pony and carlessly dropped on the pavement
i hurdle many stretches, yet this one nearly brought growl to my prostate
look beyond your dashboard and apologize for the stench, please
had you any truth in your dialect, i'd have agreed to lesser circumstance
momentum falls off a round foundation of hushabyes
liberated vengeance is a farther cry from crooked justice
and the stain of those sparks burn the ash through my wounded knees

Post-Post-

Redemptions-- wrongs and rights
Ignition, script, and response
Indisputable, a fragrance unnamed
Vesper in tears and solemn in touch
Bore the damage by the goods
Drinking off the baby's thumb


I am cluttered, yet inebriated
I stand awkward, yet with broken back
Lifting tables on fury's breasted mount
Leave that damned thought to the drain
I take all too literally
Though I speak in riddles
And none hear me
Seeped in whisper
Echo opens lock
I voice the colony forwards
Watch the allusion crimp and the apathy again, hard swirl
Cliff note the histamine and petrify the plasma screen
Dampen dose the thrill of being
Left for dead, and palms torn bleeding
Haste and replacement

As a child,
being told
again and again
"we'll do it
just not today"


her mouth, singing
those curling tremors within
i spoke to, and slept next to fortune
Remembering the lesson so well
hard to forget when it's your waking dream
crippling the sigh of manifested unrealities