Believing that separation from the origin is the best path to take
That somehow, the open road, the changing places will all benefit
Our collective experience, our hope to growth everlasting
Then why, as these indirect requests vacate the stability;
Are we the dissipating ghosts of our trail in the atmosphere?
Should we not rather stand as wholehearted equivalents of our pride?
Touching base with the virtues our fathers fought to strive
Obeying every chance to take part in the opportunity of a lifetime
Yet now-- we stutter in the grocery line
We bake goods half-worthy of their recipients
And the love we demand
We less than worship its share

I don't live elegantly; the beautiful people I surround myself with...
They make it seem that way
Crying into frustration, laughing into oblivion
Both elements of shame lost in hypnotic wonder
And less is the grieving past of the marble and hollow wood
These dates we've set as stone in penitentiary
Are given as the follicles by which bites the seal
Moments like this are kept and roam
Furthest from the smallest lighthouse
Exempt from all other illuminations abroad
We dip softly into the salt encrustation
Adjusting our eyes to the deeper sensation of sight
Once more born, often with two toes moving palm trees
The sentiment is lacking that of holographic backing
And the unity of swarming arthropods
Has all but forgotten the wrath of megalodon

Open to Lift

Much much on my mind. I'll try to briefly expel everything here.


Please forgive me if at times you find my hand in my pocket of the past
Shrouded, shifting through the lost numbers and forbidden catch phrases
I'm tempted to find that mischief now, in the blooming hour
And all apologies if I can't see as straight upon your conditioning as I should,
Having lived it on my own, months prior, though now ready to give up the restrictions
Because past translates simply to chains, whether on neck, wrists, or ankles
Worst being the neck, giving you stifled vision of what's in front of you
Covering the fact that we were born with all required instinct
Knowing now that those karma carriers we spoke of
Are truly ourselves, for a past time
Past-times we've tricked ourselves into
All in harmony with our gentle aura
Soon summoning the depth of incision to the hand
Rotting off the servitude
In this crumbled restatement of what's pinned to her bedroom wall:
None will remain for certain. None that came offered to stay.
Any flux in motion lost inertia to the varying festive decay.
Wisdom builds craters while the ministry caters

Star Slight

Listening to Acrobatic Tenement for inspiration.

Haven't written on here in a while. Doesn't mean I haven't been writing.

I'm fine. These weeks have been crazy though, absolutely crazy. When will this end?

Chris will be here in a day or two. For like three nights, so it'll be great.

"Like a boat without oars"

Goodnight.

Worthless Sack of Flesh and Shit

^ That is me.

Dammit all. I am pretty drunk. And I have a lot of remorse under my belt. You see, focus is a foreign affair in this state, and in these days alive. I'm so angry angry angry at what could have been, should have been, had human kindness been a priority still in this world, and if I would put myself first and additionally, take some motherfucking initiative.

I am so fucking worthless. But that may never change. I remain a vessel of teleported wisdom, fever, hype, and such as inactive. Since youth, devoid of the basic calamity to triumph. Jesus fuck, I wish I had smoked instead of drank. This is pretty horrific, those thoughts that enter my mind. Instead of wondering why my prayers for a plane crash, first in Sept 07, then in Mar 08 didn't take place, I'm now wondering why that night, in New Orleans, when I wandered around the streets late at night, alone, while the love of my life was probably masturbating on the phone with her hunk of hell lover--- I thought, "why couldn't I have been mugged, killed/slaughtered?" Why did this misfortune have to continue? Why was I granted further access into life, when all it has proven to me since has been a trial of deceit, injustice, treachery, malclaim, abolishment of all human rights, more and more lies, lustlustlustandabottleofvoid


I am losingg my mind. It isn't always clear and truthfully apparent, because my love, though lack of respect, for others is so abundant even now. I go into work each day ready to feed off the boundless energy of circumstance, moments wonder and mischief, and all already fun... only to be spiralled into an apathetic warzone of slavery, abuse, and false appeal.

Damn son. This is not me. This is what happens when the world is on the way out, and nature and nurture are servants to the cluttered mess we feel inside our bellies.

I need to piss out the alcohol. Approx. 10 shots of rum is not recommended on a slightly empty stomach. Fuck.

I never learn.


I just keep adoring.

quip

Title dreams for when she's abandoned herself
Establishing reason as a prefix to discovery
Sensory motors crave the unseen, untouched, unknown
And vacuum receptors are knocking out the competition
Therefore there was no chance for I
Disembarked on that which was a can without a label
In true form, in attestation to the sake of purity
Boundlessly loved, day after day

Ah Tom

The horoscope is pretty much right on. Today was one of those times where my words actually meant something to people. Good vibrations...

Chris, wish you could have made it tonight. I'll just be lit to pop without ya. Today was one of the strangest days of my life, hands down. Didn't sleep until 3:50 pm, woke at 10:30 pm... we'll see when I next sleep. Busy ass 5 days coming up. Working 12-Cl (split shifts) Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That's at least 33 hours. So right at 40 for the week, in 4 days, as I work tonight. Nice.

Stadium Arcadium really is something great. It's almost too obvious, and this is why I spent the better portion of 2 years not listening to it, though I somehow know it inside out regardless. Music is the largest force in my life at this point. More so than ever. 2009 will unquestionable be the biggest year in music thus far in my lifetime. Exciting shit.

The best, only truly fantastic aspect of my employment at the Olive Garden is the occasional desserts I will acquire during a week. For instance, last month, I once took 4 slices of pumpkin cheesecake home. This past weekend, it was 4 slices of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake. That's about $25 a box, people.

Jane's Addiction's cover of Ripple is incredible.

Beyond the Salvage

As dangerous as light assisting from the inside
Illuminating your temptress weave
An eclectic moment in her eyes
Were breaching all sighs of relief on your heart
Evading this way and that, avoiding all clutter and deficiency
The moment the starkness of brew spoke, I knew I needed a bigger knife
Than I had on hand, in anywhere within arms reach
And the dagger was coming too soon and scuttle out from under the weight
And the accuracy of that pending stream was unquestionable
Target selected, timeline skewed, utter chaos ensues...

Everyone has met someone
And I'm detained at best
The furthest shot at dynasty
Withdrawals in timid whisper
As a snarl waiting to be hatched
On an unknowing crowd
Those both that tremble bits
They shook again with pride
In humble clips of fervent past
Envelopes wholly inside lapse
Renewal from a golden age
The pond deferred this given
Sorry for the prospect waste
Indifferent to the swollen cheeks
Blood clambered on the rocks
I fulfill that promised state
An emergency to the task at hand
Evident and fallen ill to mess
Crumbling pillars of our hope
Pressed against the time we spoke
Of openly proposed commands
And deviant tokens paid
Before the collected sand
We'll dispel winter for a breeze
And again pray and hope
No one's ever gonna leave you
Just to close another book
And in concern of the planted seed
You only need attest to me

Fear of Fives

A boost into your youth
Where the quandary is misplaced
We gather and spark those plugs that needed rewire
And instigate those thoughts that pop into recession
Global union and a forest of the dollar
Splash the bridges, it's obscene
The marrow is hope stricken
The pathway the membrane
We organize the pope in depth casket

Series of Remorse

prelim:
The smell of warmth
The feel of home
Oh, how complimentary you are to me
It's a stretch now, but we tingle with the cursory urge
And if any a day is to come with our proximity being tested
I forfeit the memory of having it any other way
Though it may deserve a mention, the clutter that has shriveled

chapterone:
I'm so happy to be rekindled
I want us to be us
We were delivered, hand-wrapped in veil
Just wanting to be friends
We were as new again
Foresight to the new age of dancing/antics

chaptertwo:
past-time preferences, illuminated by force
any patterns set were dividing the stage
and the symmetry is a falling block
when the pilgrims etch past the future
any devices since inch past the suture
we witness ill perception to the void at last

onwards:
what alternatives are there now?
we are running low
as science narrates nature
and all divinity is sculpted by virtue
meek brays decipher the common code
by which the marking admits defeat
of a global union incited by reclaim to speech
what follows suit should be left to the memory therein

drifted back and forth in the truck bed
and then opened my eyes skyward, in defense I fought a mechanism
and before the shutters closed gave glimpse of better faring men
I am lying down, on a soft resort for rest, after which begins my journey

here's the thought:
How would that feel?
Being told, "I'm writing this book about you and I."
Fear-gripped, or melted by pure flattery?
You see, it's drenched with distraction

a problem with his public displays of affection?
more for you to have on display?
"well yes, but men and women see things differently."


I lost ya, start with "before I begin."

Cornerstone Rituals

I’m so very tired of religious and political affiliations justifying what has since become adequate procedure for Constitutional abandonment. These globally downcast men contradict that which bred their freedom, their beliefs, detest any opposition to their ulterior leads, and above all, continually act inhumanely towards any other facet of society, be it due to riches, lack thereof, in some eyes; ethnicity, status, gender—what be it. The white man still takes what is wrongfully his own, blessing the path with a kiss and repentance, eager to trudge more slowly and deviate the scheme from a foreign branch of interdependent wealth.

None is as it should be. Let tomorrow breathe down the backs of those aforementioned with frigid grip. All remaining in this lush interval will seek the higher understanding of what it is to roam the woods.

Fancy Sprint

We'll soon again follow my lead
And convince any details to stay and believe in the conviction
Though it's thus far unorganized, scrambled, and latent
Sometimes its marbled at a moments notice
See, there is little craft in the courtroom
Your summoning some humble hollow pleas
And the showmanship appointed is a burial before sea
So much in my earshot;
These foreseen goals glimpse the shape of triumph
Moping around the stiff social scene


I was going to frolic In Rainbows, but wound up in Joe's Garage.

Selective Adornment

In these times, which many suffer past the first to last decade,
Granted we all have filled the hollow shoes
Do we not stand more reformed than a humble man's beating?
Don't you know that beliefs can change? A prelim to a default.
Same as feelings, direct the puncture in the emotion.
We were again in orbit, without my understanding as to why.
Depleted as the woven stints, much to my plea and fancy.
Formulative years relapse by without notice
The storming entities of shelves give glimpse to the collapse
A ferverant starving plague left kneeless on a broom dispatch
If the swollen parked the knolls at eve, would gibson even dare mark darkly?
A giving basin of swift, given furies, blatant worries and governor's fears
Wading off into distance I scuttle theories under my last, naught stitched plan
My breath faded of jury, and notched up, glimmered by tears
A jeopardy landscape of scapegoat vesticides, blemished pendulum at a corkscrew ring
Travel the other plots of land before settling on a twice foiled bog.
You know the knew deep scrumple can if the knocks walk forward, fall backward
Dweezil came under spell, and mummified curfew all but ran dry
another of your two chosen, schemed. I rifted, not to mention drifted, at the alarming rate of missile-fired seeds. A bell pepper calls backward, don't you mention already gifted paths
This is the time for effeminate glory, they all reckon back to when. An alumni fell ill to chlorine, and the guidance was all but unseen. Dipped in ink and packed to the pill. Scripted sink, the mockery they fill. abolish misfortune, at least for this night, when all past due was curfew, the evidence starkly frights. Had I a pill to sneak past, the woven stellar frames, I'd mark the caps that think last, and drive the swollen paved.
Could I now dispatch, a warrior under oath? A frozen man, soaked sweating, a brief but brittle cone? A marvelous rendition, of those trample toes. The menace we were seeking, are we klept to pose? I am saturated by the glow flats, does that make me round? I am blinking by the daylight, and avoiding sound. I'm displeased in every sentence, I move shit around. Those that occupy attendance, are the unalone. If the memories transcend this, then we're heart to heart. Moses came to eels in pleasure, and left voided lots. Mills derive the ill consesus, do we dare to weave? Mock the villiany in presence, kept our soul to speak.

"Like bits of city, floating off" -EA

So you didn't do a summer tour in support of Help Wanted because you've been rehearsing with your band, Jane's Addiction? That's fine. The box set is getting 6 month delay treatment because you're having a blast living in the moment? That's perfectly acceptable.

This is the greatest day in music since Zeppelin last December. Haha.

Live your legacy, motherfucker. Breathe it in.

Stance

I don't bother with my horoscope anymore. I already know what's coming in that regard.

If my mother has always been true, then your "faithless town" has condemned you.

Really, the more I think about it...

You are the most self-absorbed person I've ever known. And now you dare say, also completely shallow? Damn, I'm a fool. You're on the level of Sarah Palin, and it's a damn shame.
But hey, that's why I call you The Escapist.

To quote the wonderful Adam Duritz, "if you don't want to talk about it, then it isn't love."

All right, so I was charged for the incident of 2 weeks ago. Kind of took a massive shit on my day today. 2 weeks of gratitude, shattered. Lord knows, maybe I deserve it. Oh well, it's in motion now. Going to be a costly pile of dung.

Also, Kathy and David make my life whole, server and bartender at the OG, respectively. Kathy more or less sees my decaying spirit, and tells me that the wretched struggles are worthwhile, because it only brings me closer to great things in the end... even if it's at the end of me, I guess. David has lived it all-- insane, unadulterated times of brilliance and remorse. I am really inspired by them both, for different reasons. Anyone who survives the rough weather of humanity's foul winds and later offers nothing but optimism... good for you. It really makes the world brighter, and keeps me smiling.

Ah, what a headache. I just need to sttttttopppp everything, orient and collect myself and nurture my spirit for the next 4 or 5 months, all the while saving a good amount of cash. Because REALLY, at this point... I could not emphasize enough if I even knew how:..... who knows what waits tomorrow. There is no knowing.

"The power of thought and imagination is beyond what we can comprehend."
"I damn to hell every second you breathe."
- PJ Harvey

K, I got lots more to say:

I am slowly becoming comfortable with Maynard. His presence makes sense to me a bit now. And he sounds pretty nice sometimes.

Aight, my state of mind; ever in flux, usually sedated, heavily turbulent by Manifest Destiny and Enlightenment thinking?

No no, this is all wrong. *Whew*



Okay, apparently someone thinks they are the center of the universe, and I still mope along the turf, half dead to myself. Which is sometimes true. Though I now... am still torn, after four months. And it cannot continue, and I'm sure I am paved in stone, but dammit, this whole deal is so backwards. This summer should have been mind-erasing for me. And I don't mean that too hastily, I love and respect everyone who gives the same back, but I really needed to get the fucking edge off this summer, and it never happened, save for some out-of-mind nights with a few select, diverse friends, on multiple occasions, in many scattered combinations.

Oh, and.. "you are gonna have to find out for yourself."

part of the reason I left Arby's so suddenly, and without much thought of announcement. Just wanted to leave those years to the grave. I MUST find something, and I keep telling myself that Philadelphia will sprout stems. My best friend lives there, a few other GREAT people, plus Lizzy is about to venture that way, Meghan and Shelbs are nearby, and hell, Nakeeda may be attending Temple University... so all would be in place, I feel. Plus, many of these people really inspire me to accomplish things, sometimes in a non-creative way, which is probably beneficial. Though the more I deliberate and sit around with stars above and humbled breaths below, I realize that my heart will never securely be fastened while pursuing a traditional type of schooling. I simply cannot well acquaint myself and refamiliarize myself again and again with stagnant dictation and sighs lacking thereof.

this is so scrambled without junction or direction. I just know that there's something(someone) I'm needing, my slow drug(someone) who can help all these troubled breezes. Because in reality, I am very close with the hum and soft echo. I much look forward to cleaning the leaves in the coming weeks, fast approaching. Yet, I seek companionship all the while. During this time, I would like to share the joy of being domestic. And I know you understand. Dammit, we all have it, and it was so bountiful and refreshing last New Years. So strikingly delicious. Yet, it all vanished, as did any ambition.

So I must carve for myself a meek beginning. One that demands proper growth and nurture. Like the committment to hair upkeep, perhaps. Anything of reward.

And you know we find ourselves, again and again, within close proximity, non-estranged faces who bring to us good conversation, and we then realize we've driven this past. The times we spend in the cluttered mess, help us reach our hand further out of the muck. The endless days.. I miss them tremendously. None of this 36 hour nonsense. The real deal, 4 days of whatever we so desired. And perhaps that world is possible, and we'll find it next year, or in the future. It would be so empowering to know that you possess a very volatile ministry in your step. Better than the long gone days.


fijepoaifjeopawif

Going to sign on now.

elsewhere.




Open my ears and defend my eyes
I see the truth that the scars devise

WTF!

At the end of the day, you just gotta be happy with yourself and that's all that matters.


Dammit, but it's not that easy. I've been infatuated with this woman for 4 months, feelings aren't going anywhere, anytime soon. Oh Christ.

If I cement myself further, there is no way out. Though, I'm again entering relapse, where I must be with people at all times. Well, maybe not. Maybe I need to sober up and find myself.

2009

I would like to reiterate my priority of future concerts:

1. PJ Harvey
2. Rage Against the Machine
3. Portishead
4. Radiohead



nothing else realllllllly matters right now.

Thought Collection

This weekend holds promise. Including all the following:


CTL visiting Friday-Sunday...
[i must really take a bunch of photos. i neglect this all too often]

Friday - buy a case of brews, food, other accessories, dream catcher session, catch up on life and its hardships, hit up Arby's?
Saturday - hit up OG, walk in the woods with camera, possible Westminster trip, purchase Mario Kart Wii or Okami or more necessarily-- new work shoes, hang with Jess & Karen
Sunday - Chris departs, Religulous w/ at least Jeff, Alex, Than, work 5-Cl, spend time with Shelby-Renee

listen to the following:
Trumpery Metier, In Rainbows, Volta, Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fungus, One Day as a Lion, Niño Rojo, Acid Tongue, Uh Huh Her, Kind of Blue + extra sessions, various Zappa, Our Delicate Stranded Nightmare


I will update this with the actual events. They will differ greatly. Especially if Chris forgot to pack Kind of Blue, which I sense he has. Shit.


-----------------------------------------
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED


Friday - Chris arrives at 9:45, hit up OG at 10:20, Jess serves us, Jenny refuses to talk to me, Scottie and Karen are zoo animals, Than & Steve are a bit distant
Outrageous amount of smoking between Chris and I beginning at 12:20. Many realizations are found and treasured. Session of Uh Huh Her blows Chris to pieces. Acid Tongue is lovely. Minor Cuts and Scrapes is a nice finish.
"Bless his heart, he was being a bastard the whole time. He's that one name I'll always hate, on a level I didn't know was possible."

Saturday - Woke at noon, showers, meet Shelby & Aaron at Pizza Grille... half hour late due to bullshit, three mushroom pizza, Shelby is Shelby, no Kim, Jeff is disgruntled with Oklahoma, Chris and I shop all day at Best Buy, Capital City Mall, Barnes and Noble, etc., Chris eats Arby's, Adina's a bitch, I finish my mushroom pizza, pick up Jeff at 10:50 and head to Jess', madness until 3 am with Karen and her... take Jeff home, Chris and I pass out promptly upon arriving home.

Sunday - Woke at 1:30pm, Chris is disgruntled that he has a lot of shit to do, he showers and departs at 2:30, mom and I eat dinner, work 5-11, I become cupid, come home and drink and be at Tony's mercy until now... 3 in the morning. Chaos cauldron.

we listened to:
Acid Tongue, Uh Huh Her, Kind of Blue, One Day as a Lion, Niño Rojo, In Rainbows, Rage Against the Machine, Saul Williams, Minor Cuts and Scrapes in the Bushes Ahead, Miles From India

Tomorrow should be decent. Off work for two days, but the mother and I are doing mad house cleaning. BUT, lots of drinking with everyone. Should be a fun week. Even more so for Jeffreys.

Lay it down, turn it off, cut the transmission

Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thus begins the shitstorm

a hail raining debts, popping seeds
burying helms and carrying pleas
deafened by drills, and hollow in noise
opportunity struck, and now hammers a voice
withdrawing seems to cut slack
believing seems to give back
unknowing, we tremble and stutter-quack
if i bless you this gift, keep me by your maelstrom
strip me of all tangible, man-made ecstasy
and tamper with the courage that was still left in me
taken my pony and carlessly dropped on the pavement
i hurdle many stretches, yet this one nearly brought growl to my prostate
look beyond your dashboard and apologize for the stench, please
had you any truth in your dialect, i'd have agreed to lesser circumstance
momentum falls off a round foundation of hushabyes
liberated vengeance is a farther cry from crooked justice
and the stain of those sparks burn the ash through my wounded knees

Post-Post-

Redemptions-- wrongs and rights
Ignition, script, and response
Indisputable, a fragrance unnamed
Vesper in tears and solemn in touch
Bore the damage by the goods
Drinking off the baby's thumb


I am cluttered, yet inebriated
I stand awkward, yet with broken back
Lifting tables on fury's breasted mount
Leave that damned thought to the drain
I take all too literally
Though I speak in riddles
And none hear me
Seeped in whisper
Echo opens lock
I voice the colony forwards
Watch the allusion crimp and the apathy again, hard swirl
Cliff note the histamine and petrify the plasma screen
Dampen dose the thrill of being
Left for dead, and palms torn bleeding
Haste and replacement

As a child,
being told
again and again
"we'll do it
just not today"


her mouth, singing
those curling tremors within
i spoke to, and slept next to fortune
Remembering the lesson so well
hard to forget when it's your waking dream
crippling the sigh of manifested unrealities

For a distant love, and her fallen gemini moons

Borrowing red tents and fort sweaters;
Making mockery of cornerstones
Flock disseminates of birth
Cornered into a blizzard of warring pleas
The days in excess
Draft a circuit in Marlboro mastery
Tied a sprawling emphasis to shame
and cast a debaucherous malfortune
a cast of voluptuous contortions
Devouring the somber brittle step
In lost acquaintances we kept
Tuning to a falser rune
Those ticking volume counts
ingest

Cartilage Reform

There is no answer, now. What a brittle sentiment. Damn, those words knocked me through the wind and fiery echo, wretched with burden. So soft a cradled massacre stumbles half withdrawn in utter fury, a tempest left lossless so suddenly in a primal tribute to the fortified shifting keeper. Alarm goes fast like a bell dragging curdled luck. A penance grows dim and turns soft. Yes, like a new gifted arsenal of cardiac arrest. A timely fortune was then bestowed upon us? Would we keep it? A treasure, a title, a triumph

I, dear, near crumble.

Composure, kneeled

You've got to be in power to nurture the lands
The drone in my echo is piercing to the wind
Must have a discernible touch to be so apparent in midnight
Brief, calming thrusts of vibrant disenchantment
Tackling the triumph all others lack, the touch of love
The brittle tact of the mightiest to fall
In all others, better known is a forfeit to value
A dusting off of sturdy obligation
So much as to be an apathetic, limp mule
Coiling barbed wire envelopes the soul of ineptitude
Ascertainable to that same pulse of thrust
Not yet in rare form, true bloom, bomb beauty
I alone will taste the still foreign stench of nirvana

September Has Come

I need to fucking shower. So yeah, I'm gonna do that, then be back.


All right.

Let's add something to the list of things to never ever do:
Drink 2 bottles of Chimay in 30 minutes. Holy mother of Christmas.


Also involved in these past few days; issues of equality, Black Suede takeover, A Manual Dexterity, Jeffrey laughing his ass off at Pineapple Express, Heart overshadows Journey, and two dirty slugs.

Pulled in a bit of overtime. Third week in a row. Many tricks sneaking up sleeves lately. My hair is really knotting up.

September 4 is the big night... Rock4Change concert, with an improvisation by Flea, Frusciante, Klinghoffer, Mozgawa. Should be nuts.

Also on Thursday, I may join Meghan in visiting Nic... Philadelphia love.

K, I need some sleep. I vomited for 1.5 hrs yesterday, and worked 11.5 hrs immediately afterwards... BED TIME. Meeting Shelby for lunch. Out

The Torch

We must abolish a twisted history
There's too much done and not nearly enough achieved
Through broken, stiffened arrows, the aroma of meek severed teeth
Bound in clench fist and predestined remembrance
Better clear those cobwebs from your throat
And revive yourself in cough
When choking is the only sure shot
Into redemption
The typewriter marks an anniversary of sorts
Of a rift in guided time, stark contrast of a world both unseen
And in our deepest, cluttered ideals
The worst of two alleviate the stench of you
What a crime left unbuttered
Serving better the toast of betrayal
Than my assist in another grievance
Keen as in my passage made west
No dead-end roads narrow scare me away
To arise the fallen sympathy
Boxcar in open fashion
Drape the hooligan thereafter

Unsettled at the Seams

Burst in an implosion
Birth not yet in knowing
A gnarly little dirt path
All grievances mistaken for lessen known pavilions
A marvelous chest to feed
A driven, syllicable narrative
Aprons and shelves united
Derivative sounds of a foreign smell
The references names of eviction:
Emancipation and evasion
'Obvious' sounds good in a bar
With hardened acoustics and heightened sense of impairment
Car bombs exiting the cylindrical shaft of rebellion
Causing a rift in the scene of triumphs use of spleens
"And true love waits"

Scottie Lynn

And I am not yet satisfied
Not by the unsurprising dissolution of our welcomed stay
More intimately the quest of resolve that I alone shoveled
into blackness, the deepest ditch available for any transit
I scorched my own knuckles, held under the sky too long
If fear, able to give birth, spawned this course of action
Allow me to place motion in rotation
Courteously propelling a common find
Give me no hollow words, and don't promise to meet me halfway in shallow murky rivers
Because you've already proven you can't swim
And now you dare cast your own story, devoid of artistic relativity
When did you feel so solemnly close?
Those moments I shared sleeping breath with you, I wanted to grab hold of the artificial landscape and slap my goddamn hand across its willfully tormented grounds, uprooted and erected by my own indulgences
Yet I did in fact claim it then
Many mistakes invite a seasonal change
Few who resonate to duty offer proverbial mange
Though i felt for myself, born to do so, it was no unaccomplished deed
I attested a greater hope in vicinity of our contradicting tasks
You misled me for a reason
I ate up the time line of an extended interlude
And I continually nailed my own coffin shut
Please forgive me.
I ask for your time
To simply take mine

Crippled Juggernauts

I made purchases. $85 worth. And this is all before Absence is even on pre-sale.

11spot (formerly GSL shop):
Omar A. Rodriguez-Lopez - A Manual Dexterity: Soundtrack Volume One 2LP
The Mars Volta - Scabdates 2LP
The Jai-Alai Savant - Flight of the Bass Delegate LP

musictoday:
John Butler Trio - Live at Federation Square DVD (NTSC version)



Another round of Ikey albums, it seems. But seriously Infrasonic, bring on the Absence.

Oh, and I am so buying the self-titled Saul Williams album and some book by Chomsky.

Trappist

Okay, so they've masturbated while high again.
The noon roll high at dice
It may be 3 pm, but it's still wake 'n' bake
When your toenails match the color purple
In these, company of frogs, we find the bothersome plague
Why is it!? Always seems we do not retain the most crucial steps
Only the broken way to planetary glover
Whispering against the wind
We have two dozen seeds!
To plant the soil against
Open airway seas
A plot taken thick, immense
Journeys into the holistic view of a penchant slew
Defy my outer region
As your interval season
In the bleakest reason
We find logic abandoned
And emotion at the helm of all measure
The strings cost the ropes attached

Revealed

What does it all mean?
Maybe you'll awaken tomorrow and see
I slept the fortune away
We kept the pageants in fruition for another day
In this slide, I found the dial to be exact
And in my own grievance, I missed the opportune tact
Disgruntled by the obedience of every missing fire
And soon enough the warring jets will tune into desire
By the raving of the breasted hawk
The moments of deception
Lead more closely to, a void of you, in depths of weakened tire
Yet I saw past the nearest to the door, to your face
You step and summon yourself to my immediate attention
Blaming the yellow heat of woven gristles
Though you see the same as all of us
You're not the goddess you were
In bathroom stalls, of less than privileged halls
Our hands clasped in eternal forgiveness
A dusk so solemnly divided by the hopes
Your father laid onto us, the broom forced us into the shrubbery
I daintily questioned the flock, I bring back the simple extraction I bought
What most belonged to the fellow misfit, and in this:
You never were-- these tasks are not at our hands
Though you ask me so subtlely, "are you not going to say hi to me?"
Knowing well, I peered first and foremost
The ever-lasting dart of true iridescence
You hone the target to the truth, but forget which landmark the birds of prey detest
Will there be a moment of glistening glory?
Whether with you or the next hybrid of spoken mishap
There is nothing to deny
You always loved men.
You told us so suddenly, when you left home.
Your home is your tradition, your traditions your value, your values your ineptitude
Your glory your own
I hold nothing in place so common as to mistake the calm land as the air breeze
While vapor escapes the vault
Nurture reveals its treason

Tapestry

If I choose to drop a single, rectifying tear onto the typewriter, to cleanse the dampening of the blood shed
Is any privilege of the capacity left unabridged?
To see this, is to understand the centerpiece
Burn all my altruisms in the steep decline of society
What matters more is the rendition yet to come
Of warrior women whose wombs we are to fill
And the decency by which the flow knows no name

Futures

Will the world see proper tours from all in 2009? Led Zeppelin, Jane's Addiction, Portishead, PJ Harvey, Fleetwood Mac, John Frusciante, Gorillaz....

Keep 'em comin'



In a few days I will be ordering the following ORL vinyls:

A Manual Dexterity: Soundtrack Volume One 2LP
Calibration (Is Pushing Luck and Key Too Far) 2LP
Omar Rodriguez-Lopez & Jeremy Michael Ward
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fungus

This will bring me up to 9 of 10. Forget about Lydia Lunch for now :)
There's actually too many things I'm contemplating buying right now...

Morningside Beauty Bliss

It is our prime domestic violation when there is no consideration for the legacy built
Dirt on pile was founded, clearly gobbled up by the mystery, our next best foe
Greatest only to none, doubt the holy favorite and risk losing a new key
The firmament wasn't thought into existence as quickly as our native reflex deserves
I got one my pilgrim inside the shelter before the quarantined transition could begin
This is when it all lost focus, snagged the velcro and found deficiency
You might tell yourself otherwise in order to help sleep come
Though it only drags out the hurt in the upcoming punish realm
A fury sank forsaken unsung in a quilted hero of sea charm
Why would this be happening without us?

Pineapple Expression

What are we doing with our lives?


Ho, boy, I'm still torn. Yeah, it's lame, I'm lame, this whole deal is laaaaame.

Just gotta enjoy the life, though. Scottie joined Daniel and I at the theater tonight. We laughed our asses off. It was thoroughly pleasant.

Ha, I'm pleasant, also. That's why they hate me, fool.

Omens of a Cruel Storm

The Night of Broken Glass lies buried atop the platform in the museum.
Hands clasped in steady retribution, to grow a surface to the blades

DC LP

Today I'm going to DC with Shelbs.

There are people driving around the loop outside with their music playing loudly... the same fucks who probably dicked with my gas cap in my car.

I heard from Simon for the first time in at least 10 months. He's doing well.

JohnFrusciante.com is down. I can only take this as good news. I shall prepare for an announcement soon.

Hipster Salvage

Role reversal -- a lesson in forgiveness
You can't have the best of both worlds
Nor should anyone force a less divine taste in any intrinsics
Dine on the doormat and leave your scraps to the critters
If no other chose before you, I'd have an antler at your back
We always think we've seen it all


"I feel like feet are abused so much"
"Do you ever get that feeling that... your mind is just bored? I need some progress in some area..."
"Though other people bring me happiness, I'm intrinsically unhappy"
"If I'm a taken man, it'll be... not a feast"
"self-defeating chances"
Endings are killing me slow / I only ask for this / Emptiness replace my soul
These feelings weren't always pretend
In these times, the wind surpasses the tide
Dreams make up for your life




Today: Take car to garage, clean my room, help Greg with the aquarium, Arby's, Grandma's, hang with Tony and/or Jeff
Wednesday: Washington DC day trip with Shelbster, get-together at Steve's later on
Thursday: Olive Garden & Pineapple Express w/ Steve, Alex, Freddie, Adam, Jeff
Friday: Work 12-close, receive another wonderful paycheck
Saturday: Garage sale, Work 4-close
Sunday: Work 12-close
Monday: Work 4-close

we'recomingtogetyouwe'recomingtogetyou
hahaaa.. begonia


I cannot stop listening to Curtains plus all 3 Portishead records. Very excited for Absence and the Calibration vinyl in a few weeks. And here's to hoping that Frusciante X and the Jane's Box (A Cabinet of Curiosities) drop on the same day... because that would make my life. I'm going to buy Uh Huh Her and One Size Fits All very soon, probably when I pre-order Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fungus.

Let's get to planning 9/20, people. Make it happen, Miss Earle. And plan for an early birthday party, Mista Chris.

I'm gonna go start cleaning the room, actually. After I pay some bills. After I drink some beer. After I do this and that...

The Day My Wrist Broke

I keep forgetting that the horoscopes really are deserving of attention.
I need to ask someone about a certain something.
And opportunity can come in all sizes.
Ha, hottie-pants Scottie
Mystique is a hard swallowed pill
"new evidence is what we require in this world"
"a thousand flowers could bloom.." -- Don't let it die on the vine
All I ask
Portishead III is brilliant, and Freddie is one of the funniest people alive.

"Of Blood Blue Blisters"

Ink saturates and the verbs permeate
The lungs palpitate and the gravel permutes
In discrepancies we find virtue
In redemption we find savory sufficiency
In the heroics we find sanctuary
Yes, they are courageous
Filling the vault with the insides of walls

And I know nothing's ever never gonna be ok again no how...

Yes, I am that boy at the bus stop.

Here's the closure of July. The fourth consecutive month of turmoil. What am I saying... what has this year really offered me yet, other than perpetual scolding? I hope it ends here. August will get me out of debt. Yay.

Tomorrow I am spending the entire day with Jeffrey, save for work at 5:30 with Shelbs. There is much to understand here. I am missing Nick, Nik, and Simon a WHOLE fuck of a lot. Yeah, and the unnamed also.

Chris and Nikki couldn't be any better to me. Really. And you're the only two people who I knowingly allow to read this, so tremendous props to y'all. Today I spent a lot of time seeing the contradiction in everything. That is, in words, routines, actions, psychology, lustful lunges, etc. It all needs to end. And I have to start with myself, in truth. I need to put it all out there with people. That way I can at least drop the constant regret in my life. I believe. Oh, and in terms of "belief".. I have none. I finally was able to see my mother for more than 20 minutes, and we spend most of the evening together Tuesday night, over dinner and at Grandma's. She really understands me well right now, which is essential. She knows of my utter void of self-worth, my increasing lack of faith in humankind, and an awful detestation of a higher power. One would think this all is quite a problem for one who is attempting to gather his gear and put motives in motion. I am fearful, quite often. I cry a lot these days. But it reaaally helps. And when little else does, I have no problem admitting this. Yes, August I will make approximately $1500 which will alleviate a lot of my stress. September the cash with continue... until 9/20. Jeff and I are planning quite an extravaganza. It has to be, we owe it to ourselves. And, friends, you owe it to yourselves to join us, to just forget about reality for a bit. Please.

These contradictions... they spawn from all over, sometimes I see it in conflicting advice you'll give me, friends. Sometimes I just can't stand to listen to others. I feel I deserve all ears when I need 'em. I never expected this, I never ever did. Yet, I must say I never thought life would be a cruise, either. I lost my way in many regards, admittedly. A friend of mine recently embraced his homosexuality. This is truly enriching. We need more bravery with self. I can't wait to hug him. I would love to walk this earth and not receive a single glance down low. I am aching for the weak to quit being so obvious, quit overriding the truth with fairy tales, and to finally give in and let out. Just become truthful in all aspects of your being. Please.

If I had to choose a partner right now... wouldn't be any easier than it was a week ago, a month ago. That's why all I ask of them is time, goddammit. The more I contemplate, the less I see what I'm doing as anything but natural sensation. There is real atrocity in wishing for solitude. Ah, I know someone who wishes for "companionship." What a thought. To cut a slit open... AllNeonLike. And to think I'm secured myself in the unwanted zone-- "friend status." Please.

The intangibility of sparking dynamics always remain. Do you not see the possibilities of retrieval over distant decades? Has history and illusion not already paved a clearly picture for us of this equivalent injustice? Ah, I feel too much for knowing so little. Wanting death for myself is very very unending. But sometime throughout each day, I couldn't be further from the sentiment. But at some point in duration, it stings me senseless. Numb is such a conceited idea. yet.. I do acknowledge it as my core in these times.

"I'd like to laugh at what you said
but I just can't find a smile
Wonder why you can
struggle with myself..
Hoping I might change a little..."


The hold is rich in its embankment eastward. I talked to someone recently of the personality trait of inborn idealism. I possess it, and there is no escape. Tightrope for an Escapist? Yes, so I told him of my trait, and I see it as not such bad a thing. Though, it does ail me now, it is also the ignition I strive towards. It pertains to just about every ambition in my course. It's not set, and knowing talk is cheap, I wish to soon fulfill one of the above. Because honestly, I do not know what to do with my life-- meaning, I have not yet for certainly claimed a direction as my calling. Though I've tasted a few... I am usual the guy on the sideline, aspiring. I always feel a bit powerful, however, when sitting there, I am wholly uninspired by the work before me. Gives me something to look forward to. A grant, if you will, to devour the walkway. Hmm... yeah, that's sufficient. Only gonna get 5 hours of sleep now...

"I can't see nothing good
nothing is so bad
I never had a chance
to explain exactly what I meant"

The Rip (results of Portishead application)

I just prettied her up for the next man in line
You'll never have anything else like me
A Delicate Procedure, what we witness now

There's something I've got to do
There's something I've got to do...

My Time

Find shelter, find shelter
"When Jesus said, 'love your enemies,' he probably meant don't kill them."
"Circus bears on the quilt I wear... with a girl."
This should be the worst day of my life, yet I won't let it.
There is no measure to what you would do
The upkeep runs too high and dry
Distaste is a forceful state in my mouth
The iron bar that slides close behind ya
Is the burning gate the clamps the cork shut
Twist off the inhibition and kick the shoes off
"Like an antelope out of control."
"What once had cheered me now seems, insignificant."
The estrogen to make me more divine
"not like a girl... such a classic girl"
Less high and more mighty
I need to read BONE
I need to play Pikmin
I need to tell a story all my own
Tomorrow, now, Pan's Labyrinth?
How many more times.
Who would you rather have honor you?
Will it ever come to flourish... undoubtedly, no.
Thank you for this common courtesy you newly weaved
It always feels like a scam, and handles like a scandal
I misjudge my front step, I trip on my sandals
No one now is throwing the dodge ball
"fish hook and line"
No cruise control to curve the paths that I preach
My purposeful scowl will haunt the helm of this treason
All burdens down in the depth of our season
Are we the malt ring, or trinket splinter
And those, the deaf sing are too full of lister
The sting of peculiar crutch this day
Seems only apparent in the glistening tender
"Out of season, I'm happy and..."
My 20 minutes are worth your 30 anyway
Perhaps the feminism needs to end
What is this menagerie
We all have our own shoulders and hips and that's final
You should have had your own baby to hold
The familiar feet that drape the centerfold

Oh my god, Polly Jean Harvey is an absolute genius. Dig in.

To me, it sounds like baseball heroes only
Today my diet consisted of: fish planks, green beans, red potatoes... strawberries and two slices of cake.

Enlightening as fuck conversation with Jeff tonight. So much needed. God, life is a bitch in the ass. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Haha.

"The best thing we can do on this planet is decrease negativity and increase positivity in our lives."


Gemini (5/21-6/21)
"Honest communication doesn't always feel too pleasant, but it is always right."


One Day As a Lion is absolutely fantastic. Oh my god.
"The bastard son, I spit non-fiction"
"Wait a minute, man... talk like that might limit your lifespan"

Now on to Homogenic.
"Coincidence makes sense, only with you."
"Love's a two way dream"
Goddammit.
make that three slices of cake.

I am torn between two women. Hardcore. This has never happened before. Oh my god, it's wrenching.
It just fucking tore apart.

The thing I love with Jeff Smith's work is, he wants to get to the core of our essence and nerve, showing what is capably murderous.



I hear you would like to claim the courtyard
As your own indulgent desire
But hear my reluctance to the offer
We don't know each other yet
We don't know what each of us would rather soon forget
Feel a pulse of our creation to our own salvation
We are so mated with our souls in this hour
I want to embellish this power to the next man in line
Hasn't lost his mind, who can see that my time is long gone
Yet I stand
And I wait for the next moment to further endow myself
To bring us right back to health
We'll always be what we've seen tonight
And let me tell you, the logs ain't always right
Where we start ain't where we'll begin to fight
And what we bought isn't always quite the sight
But let me tell you, no matter how long our flight
The truth will always come to us
In daytime or in night
No matter what we say it will not find decay
It will always bring to you the flowers of the next day
The truth will come in tales, where petals will unveil
Our entire soul, our dialect, each day that we entail
Our soldiers kept, unseen to most, but yet we still prevail
And let me tell you, soon each of us will grow our tail
See the next day or the last won't come to see us soon
We'll rather forget in multitudes
The same as I did before I drank a brew
It's all the same, why don't we even sell a few
Give her a broomstick
When candles don't work
In this society of sobriety
Brimstone on Broadway
I'd appreciate a few of the other instigators that negate what I fixate
I don't believe in evolution
I believe in escalating the contribution
What we bellow in the night
Will we find what we need, tomorrow
Bid on the straitjacket capsule

I only wish I were as smooth as Captain Beefheart. I don't yet know how to emphasize my intentions through delivery. Oh, it'll come. Just like a harsh stroke of an unforgiving marker.

Too Human?

It couldn't be more simple:
I am not happy to be alive.
Happy and bleeding
I cannot cover it up any longer
There is no point, there is no comfort
Those that surround me have slight imperfections, to their own demise
Conversation is nothing
Plans mean not a thing
Promise is a dirty word
Loyalty is a half-drenched dog, looking for shelter these days
What more could I ask for?

After Dark My Citys A Fuse

"She'll rule the world one day like her promise in third grade."
He'll soon be wishing you weren't going anywhere
Which would be true of me, had I been he
And in this regard, I am pleased to be not so close
To the illmatic drama loose feed
Read my rights three times
For the crime already spent
I passed out in my car last night, this morning
I awoke this morning, this afternoon -- a lampshade apart from the lifespan

Mind as a Font

Your other gimmick clinic
Planets and towers traverse me, I seldom see
The stiff restriction in the wave of goodbyes
We stalk the streak of intervention that would lay down in rhyme
If we all had the same dream tonight
What would the government tell us?
"It should all return to normal soon."
"Oh, it'll be fixed in no time."
And when I look at you, it's so demanding
You know we have more to share
We could craft a real gem of our spontaneities
Risking it all, for the balance of life to surge
I am now finding that the unspoken must exist
For the spoken to emphasize the mark taken
Don't you further feel the hum?
"Oh, this uncertainty is taking me over"

I detest the manual labor of flirtation devices.



When, and if this is the start then, it seems, of what would become a journal, then I will diagnose it as such for myself.

What I am learning now, is that many adopt a character, wholly not their own, when surrounded by a few of their crew. Don't dose me if I'm wrong, but when did we lose our identities as ourselves, no matter alone, with a close one, with a group of casual friends, or in front of a national projector. At what point of smuggling beneficiaries and compromising, negotiating, swindling our integrity into powder must we reach before all hope is not lost.

I once recalled a favorite sermon, one that greatly mattered then, one that fought to take my life, to push me into a cauldron from which excused the flaws, ignoring every last gift the elders would have brought us.

Oh, to only know what would have trumped, then. Our beaks are ravenously taking myth by storm, in an unholy cloak, beautifying the dimming wrath of our angels. To bless not in the potent verse, but redeem closed captioning upon distinguished dialect.

Hoping for more, yet saving less and less -- the buffet becomes clear -- and I must save for that occasion, the last sacred hymn. Tumbling the trapped flavors, and not savoring the rest.

I'll regret what's now half frozen. I'll entail what now is claimed to be, as I own it. It's all native blood. A leaf, a flower called to ask the recipe of...

Frusciante, Balzary, Smith, Kiedis, Rodriguez, Rother

This is so startling, I feel as though it was only meant to touch that moment of time
And dissipate with the chemicals of the sweat-induced echo
Six who know the end is near, and bellow for the next circuit of lamentation
Arranged in the mellow landscape of divine intervention
Displeased apprehension, following the formal upbringing of a false god
Turn your taste buds inward to the opening night
In a steady synagogue, redeeming the fog in stride
Before preparing the nameplates of the last remaining to stand
I keep recalling these dreams in a staircase, swallowing that of a distant voice
But these are my own discrepancies, allowing my ideals to shine through
I would have given her the blessings of a criss-crossed battered day, at 6 am
The moral of the story is that the story has no organ, no bass to fill
The template of this glory is the resounding torment of the kill
Gift of cunnilingus on the belated birthday celebration evening
What does she stand for in my vision of the genesis?
And have I found her, staged up in another clever mess?
I had never seen eyes turn to a purer state of clarity prior to this
And envelope me so confidently, I myself could shatter the forests calamity
If they keep this up, we're surely come running back for more
How the evidence creeps back and folds against us in the decisive intake
Would the closest mirror to a hummingbird resemble the image we all had it up to be
Hand-fed the clovers that dampen the mule on its turbulence to trails end
You did all this as well, without opening the telegram, or simply join me in song
More and more the travelers come to feed
On the jovial glow from the autumn road
Do judge more closely, she may speak
Do harness closer, the tools necessary to harvest the weepings of
Discharted in this domain, the magistrate has no further need for
Or if we disengage, is the proposal of the skin peeling backwards off measure?
We only began our masterpiece. The early blooms were extracted in breeze
Yet the tempest in our refuge has no need to impede
The earliest we've seen the spring
Is during demise of our solstice
Wool crests of guidance
Hold strong on the prodigies

"We Really Do Live in Our Minds"

It's really not necessary to have nine babies.
"Why does the apathy keep growing, from the bottom to the top"
I should be leaving for Puerto Rico on Saturday
But I'm burning bridges left and right
My greatest critic, hell I may fear you
The ladies want their liberation from the stereotyped nation
Let us be seen as the damned fools we all are
Don't dare say we are boys, incapable of knowing what a real woman desires
Then force gracefully your advance, that of a woman, onto a boy, of sorts
This doesn't happen, nor it ever will.
The only submission you make is the subtleties you don't speak
I ask only to translate them, meaning kept from me or not
Don't we all yet know how to step apart from our work,
and view it as fresh material, unknown before our intake
No, and never again.
I used to think time would reason it all out.
That our masked indecrepancies were all left out to dry.

Writings at the Beach, A Collective

{Recent Attempts at Fluid Expressionism}



Amidst Transition

A flawless balance of life, presented itself to me in true fashion
Yes, everyone has to offer an untitled piece of their work for borrowed perception
Free the scavenger in your will, I swore I'd one day buy out the store
What's true then is now and again
What's ripe will soon peel down the diaper and find shame in light
What's blue will return the wallet and scratch through another hue
Dissolve a fin in this filter and smoke the nicotine in
Upwards fast the vantage point
The summit becomes ill with overindulgent floods
And we may ask ourselves to balance this waiver
Or shrug, stomp out the vegetables, and cough up our virtues



Resume

Your first kiss during sunrise on an upheaveled deck
I can't focus on the acorn
When the trespassers won't let us forget
That soon the windfalls and training realign
Bringing in a new age of democratic, misguided uprise
Casting bouts in stones and foreplay
We're leaving toddlers by the toolshed for play
Children laughing at their own innocence
--now this is why we break bread
And fast for months without release
Unheard hostility, moonchild in fragile descent
For fear of overriding hooks necessary to catch drift
Toss allegiance as carelessly as you pound your chest
Pluck the hosed-down weeds in the middle of hail
Just reconvene when it's convenient for you
Allergies cascade on total dollars spent
Backtracking the waking hours
Hasn't yet paid off in retrospect
Our privilege as patrons don't transpire the dialect inept
Push aside the flagpole, assemble the seashells in vertical design



Entering Eden, Descending from a less formidable pedestal

Coming into my own, or carving a more perfect shape of miscarriage
Either way, filling out my desirable purpose
Becoming a more full-bodied molecule throughout which to move freely
I realize my capacity to love, self reflect, and better assess my gratitude
With all follow suit quite easily, daring an implosion
Nor would swallowing up all the aforementioned affirmations
of my silicon satisfaction, slipped silently into my bed
of frozen tranquilities. Asking a marble to blink
May as well lead twice as many sheep to slaughter
I bask unholily in truths, dismembering the claim
Set out as early as was gifted by the fathers of foresight
Now if one were to bloom as vibrantly as the woman
I saw, and shook from the untoppled treetops
Please me further under shaded roots of restless fertility
No slumber will question us in our marvel
if we speed twice ahead of planned route of travel
Who dares mark the distance sunk between a forming oak
And murky, distilled waters, boiling overpoint as instructed
we teach our medicine to the concave ferret, twice under oath
to deliver a more spoken proverb than pronounced at best
The yard wanders more slowly if again retrieving the lipstick
from the moss will provide any means of furthering adoration
keepsake, and in end allows more wholly, a true indentured remorse
Russia can't remain a landmark if Ireland is still untouched
By crowding hands and busy eyes at sunset,
Oh, if only you'd arise and lay by the side
I'll come stumbling towards the bed, a sheet half firm
Reason's just an unborn bird now, stifling the hole shut as we speak
We sneak our way heavenbound, unbridled by the braille removing
Hug me in the afternoon after the initial shock has left me sensible



SICILIAN TUMBLE

If we all wonder why
it can't be so certain
As to snap shut
and keep the corkscrew
An armies first weapon
behind velvet ropes
Hidden doorknobs
to the centurys vest
Escaping vestibules
and hardening the luck
All whining with the current
struck by the vines
Molten shine to the dark suspend
and again, mole over mice lurk, hungry
Why try and bribe the feeders
when the mouths overflow
and grow distant, unclamped again
Bearing the fruits of swift promise
Alluring all appendages upwards
I favor the dark, unkept flavor
A true beauty, that of a delicate, overarched gem
The cave came and mounted up
Please remind this shackle to sleep, and erode down
Towards the rescued eye
Fermenting in flame
Translucent, stark, robust.



Vertigo Incumbency

We are standing in the hands of all breath
What is he hoping to find?
This whole place is on decline
The swirl of sand beneath the yellow encrusted bubbles
Friction off the foam in the blackened corrugation of stems
Turning logs in this amphibious trudge of steps
All the nights you abducted, sent in flurry of wince
Good luck with the girl, her stance before leaving
I finally gave in, they offered too good a deal
Just enough to get you over the bridge
And safely home, no matter if you've depleted by then
Stand the test of luck, unique creature on deck
I miss you all not fairing well
Enough to stay and make nest again
In complete avoidance of reason, much like the women,
That weaved this so and uttering shortly after
The proud decadence of bitter bones in tufted orbit
Remote pleasures succeeded then, shouting bursts
Of those same damned bubbles.
--Leaving the beach in malfunction, cleft plated--
At the hand of all wrong-doing
We've sold our right to be silent
And what's next is chambered compliance
We'll all watch the malt and turn the key to shame sideways
Until there is something of which to remember
If only I could recapture these
Soft, blissful moments of brilliant ecstasy
I latch loosely in this clutch of mesh, returning
Unfolding to the reverend, I match the burden
Disregard the dependency, order your own new age attitude
Don't bring the life out of this mess, cordially your own



Soundingboards

Imagination is wild
That of youth
Floating into the brisk clean scent of eager redemption
Of what other primary tool of chosen hue
Could a better man teach
Than that of his spiritual creator?
A moment blocks the triumph before
The hand marks twelve in twilight
My shoulder slumps in rest for early hours sake
I keep a knowing crest to feel the sun
Just learn how to slow on task
And keep the rest of us secure in all the ticking
Darling sunset -- it sounds like a zombie daughter
Yet the blessing seeps pure
In all our trivial attempts at blasphemous deduction
Hold onto a swirl of time in truth
My brain is rocksteady
Hate the heat and learn to drill a penance
Our forefront is dripping with existential fortitude
I need to stop taking in strays for Christ's sake
Now, if it was between Frank and Ron
I'd be more satisfied than I would
With Barrack and John again
You know we're in your grove of honesty
The insecurities will fade tomorrow
"into constant infection"
"You make me feel like the greatest girl in the world"
"So close that wound, or else keep on bleeding"
"When at peace, we war with our oars at friendly beavers"
Mix - "Art exists for its own sake"
"Devotion is...."
All encompassing patterns dismounting the landing pads we placed



Exhumed

When harboring the face unbeautified
One leaves little to the imagination of tasteless recollection
Dying in the chalice, masked proposal
Hoped to gain, deliverance intact en route betrayal
More is fresh and new again
I am battered in the absence of flesh
Yet grow more hardily in the staked summons
Resuscitated by the hand that yearns for longer reach
Denied twice again until finally rejoicing
Breathe heaven in its name, that makes two of us
Still unashamed, discontent in the following months
Raspings unborn to soon forget the mellow scent
October blooms a death hatch awaiting
Pure swoons of quick-quipping rapture
Retired by the grill, a lofty assessment of broken arrows
The night you live by is on display
Yet the dimming hallway lights only tomorrows crop
Could a basket be burning to be filled?
Or do we all just step back to reclaim the field
Yield the treasure in your right hand
Allow the left to clutch the remnants of a heart, unyielding
Desire, desire yet to vent.



Immediacy

Garcia, we've lived a bit harder than the rest of them
Yet we can't denounce their trials and ambitions
Because all experience shared is only experience gained
What's earned is unreprimanded at the time of inclusion
And thinking on our exchange many weeks ago
I feel the need to make the statement known:
Don't limit yourself
Wait, I found more light in acquisition
And I know I had more room to lead her in life
Not that it's over now, but stored restfully on display
My mentor in these times is the same in life at large
And he says there were no two like us
Yet, nothing is true of this moment
Save for the immediacy to carry on
Others in our virtue strive by our side
And we confide in them, rightfully so
The turbulence cascading the blimp of this murky altitude
Means nothing if a leader does not arise
To pursue a greater good
For a more global union
Devoid of the urgencies that debilitate our needs
Racking our heads, relinquish undead servitudes
Let us stop for more honed reflection
We're breathing. This parts us from the sand
Falsified palm trees don't distract me from the present
Duty to further unfold, we glimpse detachment nearly as bold
My mess of cordial action seems impaired
Until I recalibrate my inner sanctum upon awakening
Dose the tide in infancy -- what less could break?
"It's too deep a springwell to abandon now."



92 Questions

Well, I at least hope the story's interesting if not important
We turned a twig to an igloo, broke bark over brick backs
What I see around me is weak women and men as mice.
Oh, and so happy to see me, is around me to be?
Disloyal wires, shattering the corpses truth unburied by a better hand.
What effect does marijuana have on the eyes?
A pillar bank multitude of systematic incongruencies
Are leopards leaping so close to the strawberry patch?
Do we then, as children, fall into a mouse trap?
If I begin and end square, do I really go anywhere?
When minds relapse the tides crush, do our words seep deeper in?
Ordinances are struck by an eyes keen fertility
When two paths cross, it's a dusk that brings epiphany
Twice removed from reality, I control all the plots you feed
Remember the icy smooth sentiment as it creeps, crawling away from me
Torn a mastodon crutch, obliterate this man musk.
Despairing a worthy notice in a team taught hostility
It's dropping two peanuts at a distilled rate of pace
Are you, are you -- answer me when I'm speakin' to ya,
Is you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?
The strong women are a wonder, and our privilege in life
Don't dampen these pardons on your own budget of loss



Hurt 2

May it lay heavy on your conscience
And shadow you through the waste you pave
Dance on yesterday, as it's now your only redemption
Uncertain of which misfire holds too true to you
He calls this closure, I prefer the term deceit
None know the drop we kicked
You are that very wooden heart
Only to be roughed up by the punches
Maybe if we just leave each other be
The tides come close behind, bringing in our efforts
Those sidestepped revisions we glanced at only momentarily
The new shades of hypocrisy
In contrast to the future celebration
Torn down, the memory installed too late
I'm glad you're unselfconscious
Because you're the beauty I treasure
I understand all hesitations
Having lived this life too
Yet the timing strikes me sincerely
And devotion to the path of leaves
Has me to ask of this fortune for tune
And still you pave over waste
This your inborn incompetence, a latent unnamed
Unloving in clutch, plead once more for your wings
Distaste and distrust
Alone, I have felt no grief
On this day, the solitude speaks



Diversity is Speaking in Tongues

Ah, and what did you ask of me?
Use my words, fulfill some destiny
Yet we are the remnants of a reversed coalition
There are those of us who still stand apathetic
Who see no true merit to a race for change
An oath on wheels, priority placed on
Further anchoring a mans ambitions to a mat laid on the ground
Our concern over the next predetermined manifestation
Of curated criminals and experimental genders
Leaves room for only little concern of which
Direction a race at large should take.
Have we not seen the roots of all evil,
Bellowing and basking in reattributed mass hysterics?
Led by the familiar game of play money
And hollow retirement
Our rhetoric speaks in tongues
As does our denied diversity
I demand so forcefully of myself
What I know already to be true
What tomorrow brings, is in the blanket unkept
And yesterdays sorrow is waking up too soon



Hart

What you're waiting for will never come
This child to entwine herself in the sponge of your life
And in the airways of your desires, she'll attach like warmth
Which she is, ever after the stain on this porch
Undefined -- the moment that drips dissent
I need the unexplained
And I feel it now, without resolve
Yet just as strong,
Best to wash that face from the smile
Bringing no less to you, unfathomably
Unless I walk in parallel courts, once more
Devote myself unknowingly, to union in
It's everything I'm looking forward to
And everything from which I'd like to depart
The seal of trust has been forgotten
Let alone smashed on the pavement outside the refinery
I always thought you brought me to my core
Before you tore it apart without constraint
And I'd discard my brain with the reluctance of a pistol
I used to go buy my muffins.
Lay down in this shape unexhumed
Do I have you to blame?
For this trap upon wheels
Etching ever so slowly closer to the stairs
With no guiding light attached to the pole
I'm seeing your interactions in comparison to our own
Furthering my need to never forgive her for the deeds
Wash us all with the pride, we'll soon give in



Conviction

Maybe I awoke just to watch her sleep
I remember, in your place, I stood solemnly prepared
And in the bleak intermission, I dance elegantly your style
My myth in clear devotion, snarling for a mate and key
Give me the right to be silent
In this echoed swirl of all our mistakes
Battered ribs, battered raspings
Ornate floral depictions on the shelved arrangements
Denounce yourself the faith of God
"Why you need Visine? Ain't no parents 'round here"
Reject mediocrity -- "applesauce and crushed pears"



The Saints' Petit Four

So far, June has not been going my way
We are being spoon-fed a fabricated reality
My love for the world, the people I share it with
Worth more than the breath I pass within
Outlook of the scopes, rebirth yet unknown
A plagiarized spiel, a nook without cranny to fill
Outsized in no time, discourse in the step
I ask you no fools take measure inept
Provided esteemed, love measure unclean
And cables intact, react without back
Mortified souls, decrepit and soon we'll forget,
The submissive backstep
A name, a blanket without aim -- I claimed it
So there's reminder of a broken spool
Take no action, just step back, believe the moments brew

Veil of the Braille, Lifted

Someone, please

Please release
This pressure off me

Flakes

It's not poisonous, it's uplifting
What am I doing here
The silences are making the guilt stay
If you are here for that reason,
I don't think now is a good time
What's wrong time and time again
The forlorn passages that scribe pillars of malt

Ah, Christ, I don't even know anymore.
I feel so self-defeated, and it really gets to me
I want to experience something right now
Anything, really
Something worthy of devotion
I'm just about to let loose the floodgates
And say, fuck it all.

Initiation

Yeah, last night. I have high hopes, and I'm really wishing that's not all.

It's my 21st birthday, and I will now proclaim to the general public that I am single.

They are reissuing all of the Björk records on vinyl on 6/30. I want Vespertine and Medulla, of course... yet, I just found out that they're $60 a pop... really not sure which one I'll get now.

Zach came over tonight. Good times.

Damn. So yeah, last night... this girl is gorgeous, we click, she gets me, I get her, her eyes make me shit bricks, her skin makes me piss copper... I want to spend time with her. What a woman. That's what I need. A real WOMAN.


Oh, and yes, Her Eyes Are A Blue Million Miles.

The Lame Waiters

Yeah, it's coming.


I'm a bit lost right now. Truly. Ha, I just now realized that I work with someone named Jon T.... not Theodore, though.

Speaking of which, snagged 4 tickets for 09/20/08 @ The Electric Factory. I am fucking stoked. Approximately a dozen people interested in attending. I will be a walking Ebay.

We're about to have our first African American president. And people care about this. Christ.
It's all over, doesn't matter who becomes heir to pollution.

Romania

Holy fuck, the new mutated Cygnus breakdown is gorgeous. I am in need of the rhythmic expression.

Are NES really selling for $300 these days? Holy mother.

Um.. my brain lost a lot of love this night.

10.5 hour shift, here I am. Damn, I need to get my guitar fixed.

Peace

Sometimes

Lately I've been letting people have it. A healthy dose of my distaste for their actions.


And fortunately, I've been respected for doing such.

Truth...

My mom loves Jane's Addiction.


That makes her cooler than most inhabitants of Earth.


Peace

Expectations

Yesterday, I thought to myself, "maybe I awoke just to watch her sleeping."


Two more weeks.

Spread them across the floor...

If you keep it up, you'll be born.



But you won't ever listen, I'll bet...

Pantomime

I won't dare erase the previous entry. That was a very fragile state of mind... one that resolved in a blackout. World news.


"It is only the very beginning of a glimmer of a start to this process. It is an idea that could die on the vine, which is precisely why it has taken me this long to post anything, but it is also an idea that is pretty pregnant with possibility. That feeling of possibility in itself is a sea change for me. We will just have to see."
- Eric Avery


Hah, I forget what I wanted to convey with this. Goodnight.

Georgia Moon fucks ytou up like a sheep on a diamonad mpyth trophy / ornadte flask in veil trigute mikles.

Omelward as alewys yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
call

Grips of addiction

My barbarian just went from level 41 to 48 in a matter of 30 minutes.

Ah, fuck it.


We clean up well, he says.

"The Three Philosophers"

And I thought I would be way off. Only wishful thinking.


It still is, in large part. But what a voyage it was, into the depths of the human condition, the creative mind. What lack of sensory abduction knows no other borders. When the toothpick marks the 8 ball a small but brittle crumbling goes missing. The counterpart makes the appearance more steadily known, as far and distant.

So many theories now. Road trip this summer, Europe next summer. Camping/hiking, Atlantic City trip(s), moving into Summerdale. What the fuck. How did I get here and for what reason?

"We say more by saying nothing at all." Thanks, Brandon Boyd. What a master of the vocal translation of our collective existence. What a legend.

What happened? I always answer the same: Too much and not enough. Too much of what I came here for, too little of what draws me deeper. If I had the dictation in my own dribble to choose, none would be no option.

We don't have that now. We are rotting inside out. There is only the grain and stony whisper to take root in the shoulder.

Thanks, now and never again.

"The Choice Has Always Been Yours"

And I know it's lame.

But I'm wondering, if all women want, is simply to be cared for. Someone to feel safe within. Someone who will be a strength-crutch when the tides collapse.

And they say to me, you've never been treated rightly. Never been truly cared for. Damn. I don't know anymore.

Tonight, Freddie picked my nose for me, and flicked it as Joseph was walking by. It was a tripod of breaking established moral boundaries. Then Joe said this, "Maybe we'll get back together in the future man, I don't know. But we single men now, let's get dem bitches."

Then someone else in particular was all over me. $56 tonight-- after work, Streck and I hit up Taco Bell, then cruised with a bowl. Talked about ska, Cori, Mandy... at which point he more or less encouraged me to do something.

I just bought Razl #1 by Jeff Smith. This seems pretty out there... can't wait to see in which direction the man goes next.

Joe may become a security guard for the Baltimore Ravens. If that's not sick as fuck, then I'm all out.

Iron Man was delicious. Very good.

Tomorrow will be the best.

Large Pink Towelette, Sanctioning the Room

This night I've discovered much, concluding some inquiries in my mind while breathing life into a plethora of fresh, uneasy questions. As history repeats itself, I find date and time to be more and more accurate. As far and shy as our misguided, unspoken hard feelings fly, the paradoxical misfortune of our wishful thinking going into motion has already backtracked us. Thus far in this sentiment, I fear my intent is lost and clouded. I fear every day I recklessly seized as my own, without full prospect of your careful delicacy. Amok in these misty thought bubbles, I found a resolve in a certain greeting, just as thoughtless. How terrible I must seem, to the reality outside of my skin; I condemn my surroundings without much wonder as to what shape I leave them lay. If I've dropped too much obligation before, for the sake of where we stand, I'll quit nothing again-- I'd quit any procedure for the aforementioned reconciliation of your attic dreams. My one truth never lost, is not the illusions I cling to, but my aura that sparked inside me and not once yet stopped fuming, this desire undenied, unbegotten by the many. When pleasure lies solely in universal gain, my unflagged ship is sunk before sail. The only testament I clutch now is that same very blister that bore the rejoicing I recently claimed. The power to host the few, eavesdrop the floodgates that rest hardy: to focus on the success, hopeful ambitions, means not the certainty of its taking place. Let us merely wish for uprising betterment, taking form.

Up the Beach...Ocean Size

It all fell into place just as I had hoped: a week from today, Jane's Addiction will perform as a properly reunited act, with all 4 original members, for the first time in 17 years. It's really the only thing I wished for of life's securities.

Three songs, to celebrate their award of "Godlike Genius," the first time being presented to an American group.

Which songs? We all have our desires, and absurd perfect little sets in our heads, but of course it's already planned. Mr. Avery is rehearsing at present, as he announced yesterday.

I teared up today, listening to "Summertime Rolls" at the Paladium 1990, thinking about the fullest potential next week could hold for the duration of this year. Cannot wait for the box set.

See you soon.

Don't ask me for intrusiversion

They're for my mother; they always are.
I have a friend who I've provided so much fruition and devotion to
And he can't seem to call me on his days off
My irresponsibilities envelope the scenery
I've found myself left dismembered
Been reduced to dust on Easter afternoon
My mind's a clouded, distant fuck
With no lubrication on the withdrawal
Battered redemption has nothing to seek here
Slipped and slided to the destination
No name intact, faces bewildered
All planks devoured by a raging still
Cheeks unscolded in temperament
Resolution come down in a fiery plague
Unique onto itself it rose in disheveled fury
And "some boys tend to act like queens"
I wish to float out on this boat
Atop whatever dream I bloat
And someday find myself in tune
Which leads me to believe, I guess
I'd rather end this crooked mess
and time the flashing to the dim
Alone again-- yes we'll fish sand
One day I'll rise to sea level

Cripple Crow

We're all capable of murder



I just wish I'd goddamn say something when I blistering mean it.

Eastern Rim

Chad Smiths new DVD was just released. Over 3 hours of glory on 2 discs, including the 30 minute jam with Josh, Flea on trumpet, and Fru at Federation Square. Too bad this thing is $40.

Anyways, just thinking about crucial concerts for anytime in the future..

A ranking if you will:
1. PJ Harvey
2. CocoRosie (because I got screwed over the first time)
3. Banyan (fuckin' same deal)
4. Devendra Banhart
5. Antony and the Johnsons
6. Elton John
7. Eric Avery or Jane's Addiction (whichever is more likely)
8. Gnarls Barkley (hopefully with Klinghoffer)
9. Tori Amos

groups I've seen that deserve another dose:
1. SoundTribeSector9 (because they blew me away the first time)
2. SANTOGOLD (same as above)
3. Project/Object (because they're unparalleled)
4. Zappa Plays Zappa (almost same as above :-x)

Frusciante, Gorillaz, and Led Zeppelin are givens. They best be planning shit.

Cortar el Cuello

I am growing so exhausted of interacting with the typical human individual, let alone group (mob mentality). Everyone seems to be out for themselves, very rudely and obnoxiously, and worst of all I see complete opposition and defacing of the joy of celebration.

So then truly I ask, what are you living for?

The Bedlam in Goliath

It's here and it's wonderful.

Upcoming unfortunate purchases:

Calibration CD (next Tuesday)
Apocalypse CD (sometime in February)
Bedlam USB (sometime in February)
Bedlam vinyl (end of February, upon release)
Calibration vinyl (end of February, upon release)
Calibration 7" singles (whenever the fuck they come, they'll have my attention)


double edit, two weeks later: back releases I'm missing:

Shadows Collide With People vinyl 2LP
The Will to Death vinyl
Inside of Emptiness vinyl
Curtains vinyl
Megaton Shotblast! CD
Scabdates vinyl 2LP
A Manual Dexterity: Soundtrack Volume One vinyl
Omar Rodriguez-Lopez Quintet - Self-titled CD
Omar Rodriguez-Lopez & Lydia Lunch EP vinyl & CD

Apparently The Bedlam in Goliath USB release is out of print already. I never bought one. Wonderful.

edit: Also, I wouldn't mind one day owning the Best Buy version of Incubus' DVD, Look Alive... saw it in the store, checked online that night, and sure enough they are still selling them. So glad this isn't gone already... I'll be selling my current DVD version to Tony, and then I'll purchase the DVD/CD pack at some point in time. Ohh yes.

WOW

Blogspot is such a piece of trash. Horrible Posting template, really. This seriously is bullshit. So I'm done trying to post photos with it. Check my Facebook for photographs. Right now.

Shape of Dune

The volume of that utterance
For he who laughs last
Has no seniority in the matter
When heard by no one
A stark and cluttered time
A heart defacing mines
Secludes a sea rink to breach
Open log outings from the furthest attempt
The pinch of the few left nothing
Sidestepping the pit-patterings of recent urban oft-kept offerings
Malnourished by the rampant misfires of sword at state
Too in tune to keep the hush calamity profane secret
Much the patient nine and again leaps no boundaries
For only the servitude left unscathed
Breathes the imminence of what's left to come
These breed suggestions for the not-withstanding:
We are in the moment and inherently taste the breathalyser
Unknown by the skank flourishes, the true test to key is in apparent position
Ready or not for the fall of oaks and wasp of willows
He drips red onto wasp and lets seek the deafening serpentine
Opaque and orange nights collide in remembrance of these
And in other stones of quarry, the leap would appear to carry forward the safe taxation of truancy
I alone help the fallen beckoning of high rise and deepening plow of malfunction
Times appear to me as the wrapping of foul wake and close hours
Yours believe to have seen what cannot be replaced by loss leaf stone
Your ornament of moss influence and burdened cheap fix carried the bay forward
The reality of such is as tangible to the predecessor as the map laid out was meant to be believed
I just chose to dig a bit deeper on a bright afternoon in the hay-drenched accumulation of stain-wrecked spouting and piss poor pouting from the peppercorn underbelly of the llama lost beach
Succumb not to this illusion.
These trials for Nauntzwalt beg further for inclusion
No pride in this attempt.
Not one not-withstanding

Pictures of Success

Stained walks crutch in hobbled sway

Phantom Hourglass is taking over my life. Success.

Working both jobs today. Probably the same deal again on Saturday. Just found out the car will cost approx. $180 for repair. Cash for textbooks? Nowhere in sight.

Tonight will involve Jamora and Unechop.

Damn, today has been lame. Royally fucked over the deli orders with my uncle, creating 2 void checks and 1 mistake... causing disapproval from the nice ol' lady that works there. Found out that approximately 2.5 of my professors are absolute trash. This is not kind promise. The cat is currently yelling at me for food.

A certain couple quit Arby's last night. Very sudden, but not really surprising. Benner is slagging hours left and right anyway, so I managed to pick up 11:30 -2 this weekend. Then I'm off until Sunday the 20th. Missing the 9 am "requested and required" meeting on the 19th due to Mars Volta festivities. Going to be picking up an asspile of hours at Olive Garden, however.

March 15 - 23: Fonville family trip to New Orleans. Would be wild to seek out Beersy while there. $200 Airtran voucher surely comes in handy.

Now, about those professors...

Earache My Eye

This tastes like now! It tastes like right now!


Ah, all I ask for from 2008 is slight stability of mind. Some sense of direction and secured ambition. See, lately I've been having landmark phrases of my timeline come streaming into the consciousness-- I ask why. Though it's very apparent... I must not succumb to my own malfunctions, but rise above. Understanding that the tick-tock waits for no one is key in awakening. Sometimes the boxcar is only half-full, I imagine.

I just had a tremendous two-week enjoyment that overrides those past 3 months of inner turmoil. Revitalized. The Mars Volta will be opening up the floodgates on the east coast once more... only 9 days remain. I am so much in need of such fervor.

I am an assclown. My woman is sweet rapture.

As always, I am privileged to have recently spent time with the Tonic Engine as well.